First things first, but not necessarily in that order...
Fact and Truth are not the same thing.
This sentence is a lie.
Indifference will be the downfall of mankind, but who cares?
Life is a comedy to those who think and a tragedy to those who feel
Talent does what it can, genius what it must. I do what I get paid to do.
Zen and the art of problem-solving:
If you stare at it long enough, it will get done or go away.
"There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX.
We don't believe this to be a coincidence." -- Jeremy Anderson
Let he who is stoned cast the first sin.
If you are the only sane person in the world, you are the one who is insane.
Always remember you're unique... Just like everyone else.
In America, anyone can be President. That's one of the risks you take.
Old age comes at a bad time.
A day without sunshine is like night.
Anything not worth doing is not worth doing well.
My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her... or something like that.
If the end is just the beginning, then the beginning was an end,
and we are stuck somewhere in the middle.
Optimist: The glass is half full.
Pessimist: The glass is half empty.
Realist: What the hell difference does it make?
If you go back in time and kill your father before you were conceived,
then you were never born and did not go back in time to kill him.
Therefore, you were born and did go back and were never born.
Realists (cynics) should never be allowed to write argumentative papers
or play with sharp objects.
You should never argue with an idiot because they will drag you down to their level
and beat you with experience.
Is a sheet of unmarked paper devoid of meaning, or open to all possible meanings?
Potential energy or lack of kinetic energy? That is the question...
I've seen enough to know I've seen too much.
I know enough to see I don't know anything at all.
The eye sees only what the mind is prepared to comprehend. -- Henri Bergson
The only difference between a car salesman and a computer salesman is that the car salesman knows he's lying.
Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
Good judgment comes from experience;
experience comes from bad judgment. -- Dalgish
There is nothing remarkable about it.
All one has to do is hit the right keys at the right time
and the instrument plays itself. -- Johann Sebastian Bach
Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce
that I was born at a very early age. -- Groucho Marx
Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing
your temper or your self-confidence. -- Robert Frost
One is tolerant only of that which does not concern him. -- Podnos
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work...
I want to achieve it through not dying. -- Woody Allen
It's a funny thing... the more I practice, the luckier I get. -- Arnold Palmer
Windows is a 32-bit patch to a 16-bit GUI for an 8-bit operating system written for a 4-bit processor by a 2-bit company that can't stand 1-bit of competition.
Computers don't actually think. You just think they think. (We think.)
You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.
He who fights monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster...
when you gaze long into the abyss the abyss gazes long into you... -- Friedrich Nietzsche
If you steal from one author, it's plagiarism;
if you steal from many, it's research -- Wilson Mizner
Debauchery in an individual is deplorable.
Debauchery en masse is a party. -- Q, on humans
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that someone isn't out to get you.
"When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment.
When a woman talks dirty to a man, it costs $3.95 a minute." -- Steven Wright
Disraeli was pretty close: actually, there are Lies, Damn Lies, Statistics,
Benchmarks, and Delivery Dates.
I always wanted to be a procrastinator, but I never got around to it.
My friend has kleptomania, but when it gets bad, he takes something for it.
Never be afraid to try something new,
Remember amateurs built the ark - Professionals built the Titanic.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common,
they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
Age doesn't always bring wisdom, sometimes age comes alone.
We're born alone and we die alone. In between, how about a drink?
The only thing we learn from history is that we learn nothing from history.
If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us we would all be millionaires.
"All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy." -- Spike Milligan
Even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat.
"If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments." -- Steven Wright
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?
Eventually, every fish has at least one out-of-water experience.
Heaven is where the police are British, the chefs are Italian, the mechanics German, the lovers French and it is all organized by the Swiss.
Hell is where the police are German, the chefs British, the mechanics French, the lovers Swiss, and it is all organized by the Italians.
In a world ruled by evil, it is the honorable who suffer and die alone.
No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.
Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like no one is watching.
Put your hand on a hot pan and a second seems like an hour.
Put your hand on a hot woman and an hour seems like a second.
Love is like a butterfly... if you stand still, it will come to you, but if you chase it, it will fly away.
I will chase a dream around the world and to hell and back even with no real hope of attaining it...
as long as there's something worth chasing.
We often want what we can't have, and fear having what we truly want.
It hurts more to cherish before you what you can't have than to completely lose what you truly love.
"Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love." -- Albert Einstein
"Sometimes one pays most for the things one gets for nothing." -- Albert Einstein
"I never think of the future. It comes soon enough." -- Albert Einstein
"I want to know God's thoughts; the rest are details." -- Albert Einstein
"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction." -- Albert Einstein
"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them." -- Albert Einstein
"If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?" -- Albert Einstein
"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one." -- Albert Einstein
"Imagination is more important than knowledge." -- Albert Einstein
"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new." -- Albert Einstein
"Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds." -- Albert Einstein
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler." -- Albert Einstein
"The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources." -- Albert Einstein
"If A equals success, then the formula is: A=X+Y+Z. X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut." -- Albert Einstein
"Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man of value." -- Albert Einstein
"The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education." -- Albert Einstein
"Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school." -- Albert Einstein
"Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen." -- Albert Einstein
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe." -- Albert Einstein
"Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts." -- Sign hanging in Albert Einstein's office at Princeton
"The scientific name for an animal that doesn't either run from or fight its enemies is lunch." -- Michael Friedman
"Facts are stupid things." -- Ronald Reagan
"The significance of man is that he is insignificant and is aware of it." -- Carl Becker
90% of Science Fiction is crap. On the other hand 90% of _everything_ is crap.
87.3% of all statistics are simply made up on the spot.
"I don't have a solution, but I admire your problem" -- Steven Wright
He who knows how to laugh at himself will never cease to be amused.
Those who know cannot say. Those who speak do not know.
Young men think old men are fools; old men know young men are fools.
When all is said and done, more is said than done.
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